Divorce Options in Connecticut
by Paula Levy, MA, LMFT and Vicki Volper, JD, LLM
With approximately fifty percent of marriages ending in divorce, the termination of a marriage is now a common life transition. Although it may be common, divorce can be difficult on both parents and children. If asked, most couples would say that they would prefer to minimize the harmful effects of divorce on their children. Ideally, the parents hope to be able to enjoy their children’s birthday parties, graduations, weddings and other family events together without bitterness or resentment marring those occasions. Is there a greater gift to give your children than enabling them to experience these events without having to worry about how their parents will interact? By choosing the right divorce method, a couple can go a long way to reaching that goal.
Pro Se Divorce. Couples with no children, few assets and an amicable relationship may be able to complete their own divorce. This is called a pro se divorce. Even in fairly simple cases, the individuals must have the time to educate themselves about the divorce process. It will inevitably take a significant amount of time to understand and complete the required forms and comply with Court procedures and timeframes. The couple has to be comfortable assuming responsibility for a process that has significant legal implications.
Divorce Mediation. For couples not comfortable with a pro se divorce who would like to keep the divorce process amicable and minimize conflict, divorce mediation is an excellent alternative. Mediators are attorneys, mental health professionals or financial professionals who have undertaken special training in divorce mediation skills. The divorce mediator acts as a neutral party, guiding the couple through their divorce while encouraging them to advocate on their own behalf and reach solutions that will best serve their family. In some cases, the divorce mediators work in a two person team for divorce mediation. A mental health/attorney team is especially suited to fostering cooperation and moving the divorce mediation process along. In divorce mediation, the couple is encouraged to think creatively to find ways to divide assets, create budgets and care for the children after the divorce. Because the couple is making their own decisions for their family, instead of having solutions dictated by the Court, mediated divorce agreements are more likely to be complied with after the divorce. Since divorce mediation is a cooperative process, it is typically the least costly of the assisted divorce methods. Divorce mediation is not only for those people who get along well. In most cases, hurt and resentment are part and parcel of the divorce process and divorce mediators are trained to deal with these feelings and turn conflict into productive solutions. Divorce mediation allows a couple to keep the best interests of their children as their main priority.
Collaborative Divorce. Some people, while hoping to accomplish an amicable divorce, are unwilling or unable to advocate for themselves. For these people, Collaborative Divorce might fit the bill. Collaborative Divorce, available in Connecticut for approximately two years, is a method that has been spreading across the nation. Collaborative Divorce addresses the emotional, financial and legal considerations of a divorce using a team model. The husband and the wife are each represented by divorce attorneys who have agreed to work in a cooperative, non-adversarial process. The divorce attorneys agree from the start that neither one will turn the matter into a litigated case. The divorce attorneys assure that a party’ rights are preserved and act as his or her ally throughout the divorce negotiations. What is unique about Collaborative Divorce is that the husband and wife are aided by two divorce coaches, one neutral financial specialist, and when there are children, a child specialist. The divorce coaches are mental health professional, who guide the husband or wife through their divorce and help them acquire the skills needed to negotiate and overcome the conflicts that caused difficulties in the marriage. The coaches will also help the couple deal productively with emotional issues that are part of the process. The neutral financial specialist assists the couple in evaluating financial options and reaching a settlement that is best for the family overall. The child specialist provides information about the developmental needs of the children during and after the divorce and gives the children a voice in this process. Collaborative divorce is a good option for couples who are uncomfortable divorcing without the support of their own attorney and mental health coach.
Adversarial Divorce. Both divorce mediation and collaborative divorce are cooperative processes that help the clients work together. Most people will be successful using one of the two divorce processes. However, in cases of domestic violence, hidden assets, significant mental health or addiction issues, the couple will most likely face a traditional adversarial divorce. In these cases, the husband and the wife each hires his or her own divorce attorney who will generally attempt to reach a divorce settlement, but, if necessary, will take the case to trial. This process entails more Court involvement as issues are decided at hearings and information is gathered through the sworn testimony of the couple and their experts. This is typically the most costly and least private of the choices due to the frequent use of the Court and the time spent by the divorce attorneys in preparing for and attending hearings and building a foundation for trial. From this group come the infamous divorces cases that cost exorbitant amounts of money and take years to complete and cause normally sane people to act in uncharacteristically insane ways. Unfortunately, the children must witness the insanity and see their college funds used to fuel the conflict.
Vicki Volper is an attorney licensed to practice in Connecticut and New York. Paula Levy is a licensed marriage and family therapist who also has a background in accounting. Attorney Volper and Ms. Levy work both as mediators and Collaborative Divorce professionals and are currently offering couples a complimentary, one-half hour consultation in their convenient Norwalk offices to answer questions about their divorce options. To arrange for a consultation, call Attorney Volper at (203) 222-1202 or Ms. Levy at (203) 761-9587.
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