We Can't Communicate! Can We Mediate Our Divorce?

 Many divorcing couples identify difficulties in communicating as a significant cause of marital distress. When these couples decide to divorce, they worry that their communication problems make them poor candidates for divorce mediation. This is certainly not true. Almost all couples who are divorcing report communication problems. If the divorce is handed over to litigating attorneys, it is unlikely that the couple will learn how to communicate better for the future. In addition, the stress, misunderstanding and anger that a litigated divorce can create may make communication even more difficult.

The mediator’s role is to help the clients transform marital communication from an emotionally charged battle to a goal oriented interaction. This is especially important if the couple has children that they will co-parent for the rest of their lives. During the divorce mediation process the couple can learn new skills that they will use post-divorce as they work together to raise their children.

Most mediators have rules that govern the process. These rules help ensure that the mediation room will be a safe place where all parties can express their concerns and advocate for their needs. These are some of the common guidelines that help ensure successful divorce mediation.

1. Each person will speak without being interrupted.
2. Each person will be treated with dignity. Name calling and foul language will not be allowed.
3. The spouses will listen to each other.
4. The spouses will discuss facts and avoid accusations. They will talk about what they want and need and the reasons behind these requirements.
5. The divorce mediation will focus on the future and avoid dwelling on the past.
6. Each spouse will speak for himself or herself, not for his or her partner.
7. Each person will be asked to consider all possibilities to solve an issue. Some of the best solutions have come from combining ideas from various sources.
8. During the divorce mediation process all decisions will tentative. The husband and wife are welcomed to revisit them as needed.

With these guidelines in place, most couples are able to discuss and negotiate the various issues that need to be addressed in the divorce mediation process. In many cases, the clients are communicating better during and after the divorce mediation than they have in a long time. These skills will be utilized as they go forward and deal with parenting and financial issues. Poor communication shouldn’t bar you from successfully mediating your divorce.