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Divorce Mediation and the Marital Residence

For many couples, their home is their most significant asset.  For that reason, negotiations over the disposition of the couple’s home often play a significant role in divorce mediation.   Following are some of the key issues that a couple engaged in divorce mediation might need to consider:

To Sell the Home or Keep It. The question of whether to keep the marital home after divorce hinges on a number of factors.  On the emotional side, couples may not want to have to relocate their children.  The adjustment to the divorce may be all that the children can handle.  Adding a move might seem too much of a change in the children’s lives.  Obviously, very young children would be less affected by this move than older children who have friends in the neighborhood and attachments to the physical surroundings.

Unfortunately, many couples do not have the luxury of keeping one parent in the home with the children even when they would like to do so.  Many couples, after evaluating their finances, find that they need to access the equity in the home in order to afford two residences.   That assumes, of course, that there is equity in the home.  Many couples entering divorce mediation find themselves in the unfortunate situation of having debt on their home that exceeds its value.  In that case, couples often decide to hold onto the house until that market picks up and increases the home’s value.

The Expense of the Home Until Sale.   Divorce mediation sometimes results in the decision that one of the parties will stay in the house for a period of time after the divorce.  Sometimes until the market turns around, other times until the children graduate from high school.   Regardless of the reason, the couple must make a number of decisions about how to finance the home until it is sold.  Usually the party who will live in the home will pay the day-to-day expenses of the home such as the mortgage, real estate taxes, insurance and utility bills.  Alimony and child support often help to meet these expenses.  Larger expenses, such as major repairs or capital improvements are often shared by the parties in some fashion since such expenditures help maintain the value of the home which is a jointly owned asset until it is sold.

If the parties decide in divorce mediation that one party will remain in the home and pay the mortgage until a division of proceeds on a sale date down the road, the party not living in the home may be concerned about making sure the mortgage is paid to protect his or her investment.  Sometimes the parties will agree that the party residing in the home will provide proof that the mortgage is paid—either monthly or only upon request.  In addition, the non-resident party may have the option of paying the mortgage on behalf of the party living in the home, if he or she fails to do so.  In that case the non-resident party may be reimbursed for such payments at the time of sale “off the top” before the division of sales proceeds.  Alternatively, if the non-resident party has an obligation to pay alimony to the resident party, mortgage payments may be deductible from the alimony payments that come due.

Dividing the Proceeds of Sale.  While couples in divorce mediation most often decide to divide the proceeds from the sale of the house equally, that is not always the case.   A number of factors might lead to an uneven division of the sale proceeds.  For example, sometimes one of the parties provided a large sum as a down payment on the house.  The parties may decide in divorce mediation that it is equitable for that party to be repaid before dividing the balance of the proceeds.   Another consideration might be that the house was formerly owned by the family of one party.   In other cases, one party may opt to take the full value of the house in exchange for the other party retaining other assets of equal value.  In that case it is important that the party keeping the house does not become “house poor” because of a lack of liquid assets.  It is important not to let an emotional attachment to the idea of keeping the house override good financial judgment.

In conclusion, there are many issues surrounding the marital home that need to be decided by a divorcing couple.  Hopefully, through divorce mediation, the couple will make well thought out decisions that will serve them well in their futures.

We Can't Communicate! Can We Mediate Our Divorce?

 Many divorcing couples identify difficulties in communicating as a significant cause of marital distress. When these couples decide to divorce, they worry that their communication problems make them poor candidates for divorce mediation. This is certainly not true. Almost all couples who are divorcing report communication problems. If the divorce is handed over to litigating attorneys, it is unlikely that the couple will learn how to communicate better for the future. In addition, the stress, misunderstanding and anger that a litigated divorce can create may make communication even more difficult.

The mediator’s role is to help the clients transform marital communication from an emotionally charged battle to a goal oriented interaction. This is especially important if the couple has children that they will co-parent for the rest of their lives. During the divorce mediation process the couple can learn new skills that they will use post-divorce as they work together to raise their children.

Most mediators have rules that govern the process. These rules help ensure that the mediation room will be a safe place where all parties can express their concerns and advocate for their needs. These are some of the common guidelines that help ensure successful divorce mediation.

1. Each person will speak without being interrupted.
2. Each person will be treated with dignity. Name calling and foul language will not be allowed.
3. The spouses will listen to each other.
4. The spouses will discuss facts and avoid accusations. They will talk about what they want and need and the reasons behind these requirements.
5. The divorce mediation will focus on the future and avoid dwelling on the past.
6. Each spouse will speak for himself or herself, not for his or her partner.
7. Each person will be asked to consider all possibilities to solve an issue. Some of the best solutions have come from combining ideas from various sources.
8. During the divorce mediation process all decisions will tentative. The husband and wife are welcomed to revisit them as needed.

With these guidelines in place, most couples are able to discuss and negotiate the various issues that need to be addressed in the divorce mediation process. In many cases, the clients are communicating better during and after the divorce mediation than they have in a long time. These skills will be utilized as they go forward and deal with parenting and financial issues. Poor communication shouldn’t bar you from successfully mediating your divorce.

NEW: Couples Who Divorce in Fairfield County Benefit from Divorce Mediation or Collaborative Divorce

A typical high income Fairfield County resident who is considering divorce needs to consider the divorce laws of Connecticut and their impact upon the unique issues facing the wealthy. While a divorce in Fairfield County must follow Connecticut State Law, the manner in which you choose to divorce can greatly affect the outcome within the state’s legal parameters. It pays to be aware of the options available to you and to choose wisely. The method you choose can have a large impact on the cost of your divorce and the ultimate outcome.

Using Technology in Divorce Mediation

As divorce mediators, we try to reduce the degree of stress a couple experiences in the divorce mediation process as well as the amount of money that must be spent on their divorce.  In these challenging financial times, many couples are determined not to deplete their children's college funds to pay for their divorce.  Technology has been helpful in furthering the economic goals of divorce mediation. Read more: Using Technology in Divorce Mediation   NEW: A Comparison of Divorce Mediation, Collaborative Divorce and Litigated Divorce By Vicki Volper, JD, LLM Divorce Mediation and Collaborative Divorce have many common features, but they differ in significant ways. Both Divorce Mediation and Collaborative Divorce differ greatly from the traditional, adversarial divorce process. I will attempt to clarify the similarities and differences between these three divorce methods to help a divorcing couple make an informed decision about which process is best for their situation. Read more: NEW: A Comparison of Divorce Mediation, Collaborative Divorce and Litigated Divorce   Children and Divorce By Paula Levy, MA, LMFT Although fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, dealing with divorce issues is never easy. For most couples, one of the greatest concerns during this life transition is the welfare of their children. Parents want to minimize the impact of the divorce on their family. Today, there are divorce options that try to minimize conflict and maximize cooperation during the process. Read more: Children and Divorce   NEW: Divorce and Real Estate Issues For a couple contemplating divorce, their home is often their largest asset.  Even in the current economic climate, with home values decreasing significantly, many couples anticipating divorce have more equity in their home than they do in their brokerage or savings accounts.  Not surprisingly, the disposition of a couple’s home can be a troublesome issue in divorce negotiations. Attorney Vicki Volper was interviewed by real estate broker Ann Meyerson on her cable television show Real Estate Forum: Divorce Mediation & the Sale Process.  You can see a webcast of this program at http://vimeo.com/5534262.  Following are some of the issues discussed on the program. Read more: NEW: Divorce and Real Estate Issues   Divorce Options in Connecticut by Paula Levy, MA, LMFT and Vicki Volper, JD, LLM   With fifty percent of marriages ending in divorce, the termination of a marriage is now a common life transition. Although it may be common, divorce can be difficult on both parents and children. If asked, most couples would say that they would prefer to minimize the harmful effects of divorce on their children. Ideally, the parents hope to be able to enjoy their children’s birthday parties, graduations, weddings and other family events together without bitterness or resentment marring those occasions. Is there a greater gift to give your children than enabling them to experience these events without having to worry about how their parents will interact? By choosing the right divorce method, a couple can go a long way to reaching that goal. Read more: Divorce Options in Connecticut   Divorce Procedure in Connecticut By Vicki Volper, JD, LLM   There is no “common-law” marriage in Connecticut and there is no “common-law” divorce. Regardless of whether a couple chooses an adversarial or non-adversarial divorce method, a couple can only divorce through the court system by following the steps set forth by statute. Read more: Divorce Procedure in Connecticut   Benefits of the Co-Mediation Model By Vicki Volper, JD, LLM   Mediation is the resolution of a dispute with the aid of a neutral third party.  In co-mediation, the neutral is a mediation team, rather than one mediator.  The two co-mediators work together with the disputing parties to reach a successful resolution.  There are a number of advantages to the co-mediation model over the traditional single mediator model. Read more: Benefits of the Co-Mediation Model   Page 1 of 2 Start Prev 1 2 Next End The Mediation Team of Connecticut provides divorce mediation services in Fairfield County, Connecticut. A divorcing couple can work jointly with two divorce mediators, Vicki Volper, a family law attorney, and Paula Levy, a marriage and family therapist. Each has extensive divorce mediation training and experience. Each of the two divorce mediators brings special expertise to the process that enables the couple to best deal with the legal, financial and emotional issues of their divorce mediation. Sitemap XML Admin Mediation Team of Connecticut Vicki Volper, Mediator & Attorney Phone : 203 222-1202 vicki@mediationteamct.com Paula Levy, Mediator & Therapist Phone: 203-761-9587 paula@mediationteamct.com 3 Sylvan Road South Westport, CT 06880   Open Panel Maecenas bibendum quam accumsan odio bibendum sit amet interdum massa dignissim.  Donec sed justo ac justo congue semper nec semper est. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Phasellus ac massa ut orci elementum tincidunt. Curabitur vel erat id sapien pharetra accumsan eget vel massa. Donec tincidunt dapibus enim quis fermentum. Nam nibh mauris, commodo at volutpat non, rutrum non turpis.